Always Trying to Be in Control – Ha! (Sept 2013)

Always Trying to Be in Control – Ha!

Sep2

Do you ever struggle with hearing God’s gentle voice?  I do.  I believe it is because I am a ‘take control’ type of person and I tend to act before I think on things too much. This often means I bulldoze right on into things without checking in with God first to see if He agrees with my plans.  I don’t mean to do it – I really don’t. 

It seems like it is a survival mode that I somehow acquired during my lifetime – but I don’t know where the off-switch is located.  I am so used to having to take care of things and make things work.  I struggle with handing it all over to my Father.  I know that God can handle everything much better than I can.  And I want Him to do so – I truly do. 

A perfect example of this would be a recent chain of events that took place concerning our plan for my son’s care after he gets out of school.  I am a single parent and therefore I have to make arrangements for someone else to care for him until I get off of work.  I stumbled across something that I was sure was something I was supposed to do – after all, I had been trying to get him into this program for several months.  It was the eleventh-hour on the Friday before this new school year started and I was scrambling to make it all work out – there were several hurdles that I had to maneuver.  Each time one would pop up, I would have an uneasy feeling about it – but I kept telling myself that this was meant to be.

Then on the first day (Monday) – I go to pick my son up.  I can tell immediately that things did not go well for him.  I ask him if anything is wrong and he tells me ‘no’ – and I can tell it is because he doesn’t want to talk about it in front of others.  When we get to the car – I find out what took place.  Now normally if my kiddo tells me how he/she doesn’t like this or that – I convince them to stick it out a bit longer and see how things go.  But after all of the roadblocks that kept coming up while trying to get this all set up – it finally hits me.  God was trying to tell me that this was not His plan for us – and silly me…..I wasn’t listening! 

I went back to the drawing board and talked with my loved ones.  As it turned out – I was able to work things out so that everyone involved benefits in some way.  I have peace about my son’s care.  He is happier.  Others make a little extra money for their efforts.  And we all get to see each other on a regular basis – which typically doesn’t happen.  Of course!  God’s ways are always the best! 

On another note – and this is in reference to my previous post, but God is showing both my daughter and I a few things about our ‘automatic drive’ of negativity.  We are both learning and growing and excitedly sharing with each other what is happening!  I will write more on that some other time – but just wanted to openly thank God for His love and His grace and definite patience with those of us who are a bit slow in learning things!

Take care and I hope you are enjoying your life journey!  If not, turn to God and see what He has in store for you – I can promise that you will be greatly blessed!

It Has Been One of THOSE Days! (June 2013)

It Has Been One of THOSE Days!

Jun10

We all have days that make you wonder if you shouldn’t go back home and start over……or go back to bed.  It seems like we had one like that today at work.

Monday.  Walk in and find that two offices have been flooded due to who-knows-what….some leaking pipes or something.  It ruined a few things in the payroll office.  There were guys here cleaning up the mess, setting up fans and looking to repair the mess.  Instantly, when you walk near the place, you smell the mildew/moisture – which is not a good thing for some of us (me included) who have allergies to such ‘aromas’.  Top that with the cleaning products that permeated the air – which triggered more problems for some very highly sensitive folks in the office.  All of that made for some pretty miserable people.

Add to that – our phone system was down.  Tech guys didn’t know why. They rigged up a phone that allowed the external calls to continue coming in – but they couldn’t be transferred or place on hold, etc.  Therefore the receptionists had to take messages and/or ask the caller to call the employee’s cell phone (company phones, not personal).  Can you spell S-T-R-E-S-S?

And finally – a dear, beloved man that our company has worked closely with for many, many years passed away this weekend.  His funeral was today.  Several folks are greatly saddened by this.

I must say though – everyone handled the chaotic morning better than some places I’ve worked before.  Everyone simply got to work doing what was necessary.  And ultimately it smoothed out by the end of the day – for the most part. 

Yes, it has been one of those days, for sure.

Then there is my friend.  She and I email back and forth to check in on each other from time to time.  She is ‘stressed’ she says.  I say she is depressed.  Either way, she doesn’t sound good.  I worry – no, I am concerned about her – because she tends to take on unnecessary burdens.  She is a people-pleaser and therefore she takes on too many things trying to ‘help’ others at the expense of her own well-being.  She means well.  She is a good person.  But she needs to stop doing that.

Most of our conversations consist of her looking to escape by moving somewhere else.  I’ve known her for over 20 years and she has always wanted to leave town.  She did once…for a while and then she came back.  But she still dreams of leaving.  I personally think she is looking for things to be ‘better’ in another place rather than facing what the real problem is in her life.  Do I know what her ‘problem’ is?  No.  That’s not my expertise – but it seems to me that she is looking to fill a huge void in her life with material things rather than with what she really needs.

I believe she has a lot of self-esteem issues.  I believe she needs a closer relationship with God – let Him fill that void.  But she’s not there yet.  She ‘searches’ by visiting different churches every week – but can’t seem to land anywhere. And she believes she is ‘good’ in this area – and honestly, who am I to judge?

I care deeply for her – and I’m concerned greatly.  I pray for her.  I don’t ‘worry’ because that is not of God – and I know that He knows better than I what she needs and what she needs to learn on her journey.  She and I have little in common – we don’t even know why or how we became friends actually.  We are both single moms – but her kids are grown.  I have one grown and one 7-year-old. So we don’t really hang out or do anything together.  We communicate by email and sometimes by phone and that’s it.

Since we don’t hang like best friends normally do – I choose my words carefully with her so as not to sound like I’m preaching.  After all, I’m on my own journey (hence the name of my blog).  But I do try my best to be encouraging and uplifting when I can.  But here’s the kicker…

I have to be careful so as not to be taken down the negativity road myself.  What I mean is – have you ever been around people who want to dwell in the negative all of the time!?  If you have, you know how draining that can be.  You know how it can ‘rub off’ on you if you aren’t careful.  Since I come by negativity very naturally myself – it takes real effort to keep myself from going there.  So when I find myself banging up against that wall with her – I try to be encouraging, she shoots it down, I try another angle, she finds something wrong with it too…I simply have to step back, and remind myself of the Truth.  And remember that He is in control and that it is not up to me to do or fix her situation. 

If God chooses to use me to be a testimony or something – that’s awesome!  But that doesn’t mean that I am to ‘do’ anything – because that is ME controlling the situation again – or trying to at least.  See how I must self-talk all of the time because I find myself chasing my own tail!?  LOL – don’t worry, I’m not crazy yet. Just traveling along on my journey with my best friend – God!

But I do have a tremendous need for my vacation to hurry up already!!!!  I can hardly wait – mountains, fresh air, fresh water…..ahhhhh!  Can you see it, feel it, smell it!?!?  I have included pics I took on my last vacation with this post – this will give you an idea.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

In Other Words....Shut Your Mouth!!

I went to Saturday nite services at church tonite.  And although the sermon is part of  multi-part series on marriage and relationships - there is STILL so much to learn!

The one thing that really hit me this evening is how we women have the gift of talk - way more than men.  Okay, so this is nothing new, right?  But what I mean is that we (women) tend to want to correct the situation by talking.  We think we can coerce or convince the other person (namely men) to change or shape up based on our talk.

But the truth is - it will usually back fire on us.  It even tells us in the bible to let GOD do the tending.  We are to simply live our lives in reverence and love for God.  In turn, it will spill over into love and respect for the other person (spouse).  Our ACTIONS will communicate more clearly than our words ever could.

This does not mean that we are a doormat for abuse.  And it doesn't mean that we are never to speak up to let the person know that our feelings have been hurt, or something is bothering us, etc.  But rather than jumping on them, we speak calmly and with respect and love.  Then let it be.  If it doesn't change anything - that's between them and God.  For more info read 1 Peter 3:1-22.

So this sermon really hit home with me (see my previous post here).  I realize that many times, I've said more than I should to my hubby.  For instance, I wrote him an email a day or two ago and really let him have it.  I had really tried to be the way I knew God would want me to be in this situation.  And I know it's not His will that our marriage fail.

I was doing pretty well until the most recent stuff - again mentioned in the previous post.  And, I blew it!  I felt like I needed to 'voice' my views and how he hurt me and how he was hurting us as a family.  Shoulda kept my mouth shut, I guess.

So, I am repenting and asking God to forgive my shortcomings.  I am praying that He continue to hold my hand and help me through this.  And I'm asking Him to help me to remember that He is in control.  All I can do is pray.  Pray for my hubby.  My kids.  My marriage.  And that is what I plan to do!

Take care until next time!

A Brief Introduction

Hello!  I am a simple person just trying to make it through this life.  And survive what life has to offer or throw in my way.  My blog is titled "Call Me the Clay" - because I believe that God is the potter and I am the clay - and He's not finished with me yet!



I will start by telling you a little about myself here....but will save most of it for upcoming posts.  The purpose for this blog is to discover what the Lord has planned for my life.  I have loads of life experiences to share in hopes that while I am learning and/or discovering what's next for me, maybe you can receive a nugget or two of helpful information too.

I'm open to making new friends, and truly appreciate any feedback you might care to leave.  But please know that this is my journey and my posts are NOT here for debate for convincing others whether you believe what I believe or not.

Okay - I am a 40+ year old mother of 2 children.  My daughter is a beautiful, vibrant 18 (*sniff) year old.  My son is a cutie....and a handful!  He's 4 1/2 years old.  And no, before you ask - he was not a mistake or unexpected.  He was very much planned.  But I will get into that later.

All my life people tend to draw near me for advice.  I don't know why that is - but they do.  Some call it a gift.  Maybe it is...but sometimes its a real pain!  I have my own garbage and though I never mind listening and offering words of comfort or advice (when asked for it) - it sometimes becomes too much to carry.

I believe that is where I am now.  I have finally burned myself out and am suffering from it in many ways.  Including my health.  I am miserably overweight.  I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  I suffer from depression.  I think I have forgotten how to truly enjoy life.

But that's okay.  This is why I'm here planning to pour myself out on these pages.  I've been thru loads of 'stuff' and am finally starting to see that I need to deal with some of it.  Face it and then put it away - with God's help, of course.

The Lord has really been moving in my life the past few months and honestly, it has not been enjoyable.  BUT, I believe that He knows best and evidently I needed to go through it.  He's not done yet - I get that.  But the light has finally come on for me and I look forward to what comes next!

So, join me in my journey and maybe we can both learn a thing or two!  I look forward to making new friends and welcome everyone!