Attitudes – The Good, Bad and Ugly (Sept 2013)

NOTE:  The following posts may look a little funky because they have been copy/pasted onto my site.  I am playing 'catch-up' and therefore you will find several in a row.

Attitudes – The Good, Bad and Ugly

Sep6

I’m frustrated with society – or is it just my life? I know that I get a bit grumpy when I’m tired.  Or when I’m hurting (Fibro-pain)…..and I have definitely been hurting this week.  It’s been pretty bad, actually.  And forgive me if something isn’t spelled correctly or my words get jumbled – that happens a lot with the Fibro-fog. 

But I don’t think that the above-mentioned symptoms are the reason for my frustration of late.  And I find myself extremely tired.  No – not lack-of-sleep tired…..but rather tired of all of the complaining and nit-picking that people want to do.  Yes, I know that many times it is as simple as removing oneself from a situation so as not to participate in all of the negativity…..but sometimes that is just not feasible.

All I know is that I am so very, very tired of everyone complaining.  If you have followed my blog much – you know about my Fibromyalgia.  Yes, I have it and yes, I am in pain – often.  But I don’t go around whining and complaining to people about it all of the time.  I mention it as it is part of who I am now.  I deal with it and continue on in my life the best way I can.  Sometimes I have to make adjustments to my plans or miss work due to it – I hate that…..but it is what I do in order to continue on in life.  It is what it is. 

Someone told me one time that they were amazed with everything I have been through in my life that I was not be a bitter person.  And I remember my mother saying that she couldn’t understand why I wasn’t angry at my ex-husband (she was – very much so).  I said to them and still tell people that I figure I have a choice here.  I can choose to do the best with what I have and try to live a life of quality or I can wallow in self-pity about what I don’t have and be miserable.  To me I don’t see a good reason to waste all of my energy hating and being angry or bitter about things I cannot control.

And sometimes, people – even if it could be changed, you have to look at whether it really is worth all of your time and energy.  Is using up your resources really worth it in the long run?  Will you be adding to your quality of life or taking away from it?  Will your kids/loved ones be robbed of your time because you are so focused on the bad stuff?  What about your health?  If you stress over things long enough you develop serious health issues (I know this first-hand).

Let’s take a look at this Boston couple in the news right now who are fighting to have the Pledge of Allegiance taken out of the schools because it mentions God.  They are claiming that they do not believe in God.  And therefore if they say the Pledge – they are stating something they do not believe and if they choose not to say the Pledge then they ‘come across as’ not being patriotic.  Regardless of where one stands on this debate I guess I don’t see why people can’t simply use their heads a little.

If the majority of people do want to say the Pledge and they do believe in God or at least it doesn’t bother them – then I wonder why one would think it is reasonable to waste their time, the court’s time, not to mention money to have something like this addressed?  If it were me, I would say the line in the Pledge as follows: “And to the republic, for which it stands”, (pause – while everyone else says ‘one nation under God’), “indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all.” You get the picture?  I guarantee you that no one is going to notice that you took a breath or paused or whatever during that one little clause.  Done.  No anger, no fighting, no wasting resources on anyone’s part.  Move on.

It seems like people are getting some sort of adrenaline rush by jumping on the bandwagon to accuse others of the tiniest things anymore.  And I wonder why.  It’s exhausting and honestly disheartening to me.  Has it always been this way, I wonder?  Maybe as young kids we just didn’t notice it? Or maybe we didn’t see things that way until others bring it to our attention….

I remember observing this with my own daughter when she was young.  She met her best friend in preschool.  And he is of a different race than she. But she didn’t know that – all she knew was that he was her best friend (and at 21 years of age now, they are still very close friends).  It wasn’t until they had a teacher in the 1st grade that treated him differently that she asked me why.

And it doesn’t have to be a media issue either (though they certainly create a lot of it).  How about the workplace? I’m SO very tired of people gossiping and stabbing each other in the back.  Yes, there is always going to be that one person – that one person that you simply cannot like no matter what.  But that’s okay – it is not part of your job description to like everyone.  You were hired to do a specific job – and most likely that means dealing with a variety of people.  So do it.  It really is possible to be cordial to people that you don’t really care for, trust me.

I have even lost one of my best friends because I chose not to participate in her constant negativity and coworker bashing.  If she complained or said something ugly, I would either try to change the subject or state that maybe the situation wasn’t as it appeared.  It ticked her off.  The final straw was when I was invited to church by a coworker that she despised.  I accepted the invitation and was later told by my best friend that she simply could not ever ‘forgive me’ for betraying her.  That ended a 12+ year friendship.

If you read any article these days – with the lovely ability to leave comments and most likely you will find some of the meanest, cruelest, ugliest comments.  Many times it doesn’t even fit what the story was about.  Example:  I wanted to check out the story behind Google’s Doodle for the day. But rather than people finding the story interesting – they all jump on the bandwagon of criticizing one typo in the article.  It’s one thing to critique and another to simply be ugly.  So…making someone feel inferior gives people a rush, I guess?  And we wonder why there are so many hate-crimes these days.

It’s like we can’t get away from it!  It is everywhere……and this is why my family and I often joke around about heading for the hills…..to get away from all of the chaos.  But I would challenge people to take a long hard look at their attitudes and the part they are playing in the big picture – because how can we expect our young people to be kind and to love one another when we are constantly bombarded with the opposite?  When there are very few places to go to escape the ugliness it eventually rubs off on you. 

Okay – so I can’t end this post without circling back around to say that though I am frustrated with society as a whole – I still have my eyes on my Savior and He allows me to see the good in people.  And yes, there are a lot of good folks out there.  And though it seems that the positive is being covered up by the negative, His light will always shine.  He protects.  And He blesses.  All we have to do is claim Him as our own and invite Him into our lives.

Thanks for stopping by……Kelly.

Gratitude List (in no particular order):

1.       I have a job – it pays the bills

2.       My beautiful daughter & son-in-law

3.       My super-awesome son

4.       My Dad – who is always there no matter what

5.       My Brother & his family – live so far away, but always near in my heart

6.       God’s grace

7.       Breathtaking sunrises

8.       Nourishing rain

9.       New Bible Study Group

10.   My home – provides shelter that we need

Internal Vows Broken (Aug 2013)

Internal Vows Broken

Aug13

On my journey of late – I have literally been bombarded with reading and hearing messages of being aware of one’s mindset.  Watch what you think and see how it affects your daily life.

‘Okay, God – You must be telling me something here.’  So here I am trying to really take a closer look at something that I thought I pretty much had in the bag.  I mean – I know how negative thinking leads to negative talking and that, in turn, can create a very sad, dismal life.  It wasn’t until I was grown and out on my own – just having had my own child that I first remember considering the effects of such negative thinking.  But I was pretty sure that as the ‘expert’ I believed myself to be – I know how it all works – right?

I remember doing some of that self-talk that I commonly do and saying that I did not want to raise my daughter in such a negative environment as I was raised in.  Let me stop here and say that I love my mom.  I love her.  She did the best she could with what she knew and how she was raised.  I understand that.  But truthfully she was one of the most negative people I’ve ever known.  She was quick to tell you what you were doing was wrong or how something couldn’t be or couldn’t happen because of (fill in the blank).  She could be hurtful in the things she said.

So I did not want to raise my child in the same manner.  At the time, I knew nothing about things such as that being carried on through the generations similar to alcoholism or abuse, for example.  What I did know is that it was going to be up to me to not be that way.  So I made a point of trying to be positive with my daughter.  I made a point of hugging her and telling her openly that I loved her (again – not something that we did as I was growing up).

Through the years since the birth of my daughter, my family (including my parents) went through a transformation.  We made progress in how we interact with each other.  We became closer.  We hugged each other.  We told each other ‘I love you.’  Just ask my brother – who was not living near us – he thought we were a bit odd when he would come to see us and we were all touchy-feely! LOL

As I said – I felt that I had this mindset thing in the bag.  BUT – I must admit there are other things I am just now realizing that maybe I didn’t do so well or am not doing so well.  Or maybe I fell into that trap of depending on myself and my own abilities a tad too much.  And, since I’ve been asking God to ‘change me from the inside out’ – then, I believe I better sit up and pay attention because He is showing me a few things here!

For instance – I don’t know how to have fun.  You know if you don’t know how to have fun, it is difficult to enjoy life.  I truly believe that God intends for us to enjoy this life and what He has provided for us.  Yes, we went on vacation recently and that was fun!  But what I mean is on a daily basis kind of fun or enjoyment.  And that thought keeps rolling around in my head lately – ‘I don’t know how.’   And honestly – I will leave that one just as it is for now….because I really have no more to say about something I know nothing about.  All I know is that it bugs me – and it needs to change.  So I will wait to see what He reveals to me in this area.  It’s coming – I just know it.

Everything goes hand in hand too.  I believe that God is always there to provide for me.  I trust that fact.  But I still find that when the pressure is building and life’s stresses come around – I tend to get grumpy – and sometimes a tad depressed.  This leads me to believe that I need to change my way of thinking – right?

So why do I get grumpy? Hmmm….. Could it possibly be because I find myself losing ‘control’ – or at least what I perceive to be control of a situation?  Yep, I think so.   So why do I need to feel that I am in control?  Hmmm…..Fear?  Yep, I think so.  What am I afraid of?  Well, I don’t know…..failure, I guess.  Big whoop.  All I know is that I have always had a fear of failure – and that kept me from doing things – a lot of things actually.  I wouldn’t participate in games for example because I didn’t want to make a mistake when all eyes were on me.

And yet if I circle back around – do I or don’t I trust in God?  If so – then I need to not have fear of anything – right?  *Sigh* I am getting tired…..and dizzy – aren’t you!?

Okay – so those are the biggies right now.  But also it is all of the little things that snowball into huge things.  I say this because I see a lot of my shortcomings in the area of negativity coming from my children.  Ouch.  And here I thought I had it all figured out….

My daughter is so awesomely strong!  She is fearless and I am so in awe of her and her accomplishments at her young age of 21.  But at the same time I see difficulties as a result of her hard-headedness and her negativity.  This, in turn, affects those around her making everyone miserable.  It comes out in anger.  People and things constantly ‘make her angry’ (although we all know that no one makes you angry unless you choose to be angry).  She’s been hurt in her life and this is her defense mechanism.  And my heart hurts about this because though I may not be the main cause of that pain, I do own that I had a part in it too.

My beautiful 7 year old son – he is a fairly quiet and tender-hearted individual.  However, he complains – a lot.  He cries often out of frustration for things not going his way – not like tantrums that kids have – but more like sadness.  For him, if he doesn’t know how to do something – he cries that he can’t – even if you attempt to show him that he can.  He seldom ‘likes’ things – it’s usually ‘I don’t like it’.  And it really doesn’t matter what it is – he may like some sort of food today but tomorrow if you give it to him – he finds something wrong.

But wait a minute…..isn’t that what I was talking about earlier when describing what I grew up in?  But didn’t I say that I consciously made an effort to be different and not raise my kiddos in the same way?  I didn’t think I did….but what happened?

Obviously God is showing me that I don’t have it all together and that I shouldn’t be getting such a big head!  He is showing me that I still need to learn to lean on him more – like lean ALL the way on Him.  And I have to say folks, this is scary for me – because I don’t know how this happened, but I am beginning to see that I am the common factor here with my kids….so…..it…..must…..come…..from…..me!?  Again – ouch!

My devotional for today is from Haggai 1:5 where God tells the people who are dissatisfied and experiencing problems to ‘consider their ways’.  And again I see where I need to take a hard, long and honest look at myself.  I need to consider my views of the world and what thoughts and words come from me.  I influence others – and how I do that is up to me.  It can be in a positive light where people can see Christ in me or it can be in a negative manner in which no one would or should follow.

I am praying that God will help me to see more – as painful as it is – and to help me to learn.  I pray for a changed heart, a changed mind.  And I am also seeking forgiveness for past sins and claiming victory over the generational ‘curses’.  I am declaring that they be broken so that they no longer carry on in my family.  My family will heal and grow in God’s loving care and we will overcome!

Thank You, Father – for loving us and providing for us.  Thank You for Your patience and Your grace – especially when we are slow to learn.  Amen.

Sometimes It Hurts First (May 2013 Post)

Sometimes It Hurts First

May7

As mentioned in my previous post – I am on the road to a better life, a better me.  I stumbled across a weight-loss program that focused more on the toxins etc in your body rather than the typical plans everyone is familiar with these days.  It teaches you how the things you put in your body such as preservatives, sugars, etc. can negatively affect the way your body functions.  It teaches you how to detox your system so you can get back on track.

SO – I decided to do the plan and get my system ‘cleaned out’ and refreshed – rebooted, if you will.  While building up to the actual detox process, you prep by eating nothing but vegetables and very lean chicken or fish.  No biggie – I like veggies and chicken!  I got this in the bag! Or so I thought….

Actually, you can’t have anything that has gluten, sugars, vinegar, grains.  Do you know how hard that is in reality!?!?!  It’s tough.  Every time I thought of something I could eat – I was wrong.  Don’t get me wrong – I have no problem with veggies at all – but after a while, it’s difficult to find variable ways to prepare them.  Even dressings are near impossible to find that don’t have at least vinegar in them.

Needless to say – I’ve struggled.  However, I did stick to it enough to lose some weight.  So next comes the detox.  I started it on Saturday and instantly I have had the worst fibromyalgia flare-up ever!  The pain has been almost unbearable. My brain is foggy and I can’t seem to think clearly or to focus properly.  I was starting to get concerned.

During this time, I struggled in my thought life – did I ‘misunderstand’ what I thought God was leading me to do concerning my weight and more importantly health issues?  Is this the wrong thing to do?  Am I once again trying to ‘do it on my own’?  I could drive myself crazy with all of the ‘what ifs’ – which means I was falling back into my old routine – and stressing over things – again!

I decided that I was going to stick this out and shut those chronic negative thoughts down immediately.  I contacted my doctor about what was going on and he explained that it is part of the process.  He called it Health Crisis – where your body is actually ridding itself of the toxins and garbage that has loaded up over the years.  BUT, if I stick with it, I will begin to start feeling much better and have increased energy.

SO – I am in constant prayer and seeking God’s hand in leading me through this new but difficult journey.  I realize that sometimes we must weather the difficult, the stuff that hurts in order to come out on top at the end.

Thank You, Father for being there for me.  Thank You for blessing me with the ability to become victorious!